I had been awake for a while, but could not muster up the will to open my eyes. I picked up on the distinct stench of disinfectant, that often sticks to the walls of large hospitals such as this one.
I could hear the nurse open the blinds, but kept my eyes closed anyway. I wanted to reserve my energy for when Hafsa would come by.
Hafsa, the light of my life - even to this day, as I lay here, reduced into this pitiful, old thing.
Here, time often seemed to slow down, and I would have lost count of the days if it weren’t for her. The rhythm of my breath, under the mask, helped me block out the world, the pain, the loneliness.
The comfort of a hand cupped my forehead, and I knew.
It was her.
I had begun to call upon all of my strength, from every inch of my wretched soul, anticipating a joyous smile from my sunshine. But as I opened my eyes, I found myself facing turbulence - not in the scowling clouds outside, but in the eyes of the one I love.
Her silent tears sent a clear message. My eyes shifted slowly to scrutinize the figure behind her. It was the doctor. His face wore a mask of disappointment and sorrow.
Realization hit me in full force, but it didn’t seem to hurt as much as one would expect it to. I turned my head away, hoping the pain in my eyes wouldn’t show. I asked with as firm a voice as I could muster -
“How much time?”
There was no reply except the pain-filled sobs of Hafsa.
It didn’t really matter how much time I had left. My soul died the day I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My mind had subconsciously decided to drown out the words of the good doctor.
I was now alone in the room.
The clock struck 7, shaking me back to reality.
My time was short… Surely, I still had enough time to make my life count for something…
“Live Your Life To The Fullest” - what does that even mean?
Are these just fancy words, or do people actually believe it?
But what would happen if I had tried? I’d rather that, than just lay here and wait for the man in the shadows to come take me away.
“Nurse!...”, repeating myself after a pause
“NURSE!”
Soon enough, a woman in all white trotted in with a phony smile, “How may I ...”
“I want to make a call.” I said plainly, cutting her off.
She paused, puzzled, but left promptly without question.
‘What makes one's life fulfilling?’
A simple enough question, perhaps.
I could remember the words of my sweet grandmother, “Beta, the three rules I live by are: ‘Family’, ‘Love’ and ‘Honesty’. These make me the richest woman in the world.”
I grabbed a piece of paper lying on the table next to me, and wrote,
“Family” “Love” “Honesty”I set it aside, looking at a window that painted the picture of the calm, enchanting moon, studded into the velvety black tapestry of the night sky. I’ll miss this when I’m gone... or would I? Perhaps I’ll get to meet the maiden of the night, in all its glory, after I cross over to the other side.
“Here you go”, the nurse announced, leaving the receiver on the side of my bed.
I picked up the scrap of paper, and looked at it - “Family”.
Things have never been too good in the family, Abbu and Ammi had passed away when I was a child. Since then it was just me and Javed, my older brother. As children, we were inseparable, but grew apart with age.
He could never accept that my talent as a musician, could be greater than his own. It was the only thing he knew how to do, and my talent surpassed his at it. On one hand, I was named the lead vocalist on a big Bollywood movie immediately after being discovered, while my brother continued struggling to even get noticed.
Well, the fault is mine, I let my success get to me. I flaunted my inborn talent, and moved up the ladder of success quickly. All the ties of brotherhood broke thereafter, leaving nothing to hold us together.
It’s been 13 years since I’ve seen him. It hurt as I realized that in my pride, I drove away my only family.
I picked up the receiver, dialing in a number from memory. As it started ringing, I wondered if he would even want to talk to me. Would he even...
“Hello”
My throat went dry, words could not make their way to my lips.
“Hello? Who is it?”
“Ja.. Javed”, I barely managed to blurt out.
“…Bhaijaan?”
What?! He recognized me!
I was dumbfounded beyond reason. In the state I was in, even I could not recognize my own voice!
“Are you okay?”, he enquired to my silence.
“Bhai… I don’t have long.”
After a moment of silence, Javed burst into tears. “Where are you bhai? We’re coming!”
I could hear his deep sobs and sensed his helplessness. I let my brother know where I was admitted. He reassured me that he would come to me as possible.
I had finally spoken to my brother. It made me happy to know that we were not broken beyond repair. Even after everything, there was still a sliver of love, a ray of hope.
This is enough.
I looked at the scrap of paper and crossed “Family”.
We’ll be okay.
I’ve cared for and loved him, and I’m sure he felt the same way!
“Love”.
There is only one woman I’ve ever loved - Hafsa.
After a number of drinks one night, seven years ago, I met Hafsa for the first time. She was a dancer at a local bar. That night, after a number of drinks, my friends had abandoned me. A dancer, and an intoxicated patron would usually have nothing to do with each other, once the night was done.
But she took on the responsibility of getting me home, making sure I was safe.
The next day I went back to thank her. Her beauty made her popular, which is why it was not too hard to find her. Her profession is something I could never approve of, but then again it was none of my business.
She was a beautiful woman, and surely so, she was good at her job.
But beneath the glamorous clothes and the pale skin, was a girl that was still as innocent, and as delicate as a bud, waiting to bloom into life. After successive meetings with Hafsa, I learnt about the hardships and obstacles that left her with no option but her occupation.
Slowly, without realizing, I fell in love with her.
I was at war with myself. How could someone like me have a future with someone like her?
But despite this logical argument, I knew deep down - I couldn't manage a day without her.
Even now, she has been the one by my side each day, while I withered away to nothingness. We have not made any vows or promises, but our eternal promise has been made at heart.
What would she do if I were to leave her for good? It would surely break her. It is my duty to make sure she is protected, before I’m gone.
“Love” I crossed out on the scrap of paper.
Putting the scrap of paper away, I lay back, staring out the window, into the darkness.
Sleep weighed down my eyelids and I let them shut.
I shall make the call in the morning... I shall.
For the first time in a long time, I opened my eyes to the dawn. The playful sunshine dancing in the light blue sky make me rejoice, quickly forgetting all thoughts of my weakness and pain! I smiled, as I realized; happiness can be discovered with every breath.
I picked up the receiver that still lay next to me and made a few important calls, before I came across the scrap of paper. It still had one untended entry.
“Honesty”
I lay back to rest my weary soul. “Have I been an honest man?”
No. I have lied, now and again, through my life. I have learnt that the smaller lies often fix themselves into what is meant to be. It’s the bigger ones that burden a soul.
I have told a lie. A lie, I cannot bear.
I own a large music production company, and it has given me a comfortable life. But it is the taste of wealth that never leaves you satisfied: you always need more, and so did I.
There was an instance, where I had the opportunity to sign a deal with a rookie musician. This album would either make or break his career. Investors poured in to listen to his work. His voice was as sweet as a nightingale, and he did well with most of the Bollywood genres. Money seemed to roll in easily.
Thats when I was blinded by greed. I stole.
I lied to the investors about the returns from the album. Not only did I unlawfully steal, but I also ruined the career of a very talented singer. By the time I realized what I had done, it was too late. I try not to think about this. I didn’t know what I could do to fix what I had done.
The clock struck 8, as the doctor brought in Hafsa, Javed, and his family. The silence did not break as they huddled around the bed, and looked upon my lifeless body.
Hafsa showed no reaction - refusing to believe the only man she ever treasured was gone for good.
Javed stood in silence, a stern and serious look, trying to conceal sorrow and regret.
An attorney hung around at the back, waiting for everyone to pay their respects.
A moment later, Javed’s wife noticed the attorney and nudged at Javed. Hafsa noticed him too.
The attorney seemed pleased at the sudden attention he received, and how attentively they awaited his words. He presented a folder of documents, and prepared to make the required announcements.
“The previous night, I received a telephone call from my client, instructing me to prepare his will with the following...” Everyone looked at each other wide eyed!
“241 Crores, in cash, from multiple bank accounts, all of which now belong to Miss Hafsa.”
At this, Javed and his wife passed disapproving glances at Hafsa. 200 Crores for a mere dancer? Simply unacceptable.
“47 Crores in property and automobiles go to Mr. Javed”
At this, Javed’s wife squealed and jumped!
The attorney was just about to move out, when Javed remarked, “What about his Music Company?”
“Who does that go to?”
The attorney stopped and smiled. “Krishna Vardhan”.
“Huh? Who is he?”, Javed exclaimed!
“He is a struggling musician. He’s only ever produced one album, which didn’t really sell.”, with this the lawyer left the gathering with doubts that shall perhaps, never be answered.
Javed and his family left the hospital, while Hafsa stayed a while longer to say her goodbyes.
She stared into those lifeless eyes and told herself that she would not dance any more. With the money he left her, she would make a living. Maybe start a radio show named after him, or maybe...
“Madam”, the nurse interrupted. “I found this clenched in his palm”
She handed Hafsa a piece of paper which read:
She smiled, and passed a glance at her beloved.
“I am happy for you”, she said. “Thank you for giving me my mission.”
“I'll do my best to complete this list, and then I'll come join you...”, she said, as she started to sob uncontrollably. “Until then, my beloved, Bon Voyage”.